Self-Honesty

I am an hypocrite. In fact, if many of us should stop and think about it, we are very hypocritical when it comes to being honest with ourselves. By extension, we become hypocrites with God and others because frankly, in order to be honest with God or others, you must first be honest with yourself.

I look back on some of the years I once deemed as the best of my prayer life. These were the years I spent talking to God about others and their problems. I never spoke to Him about myself beyond the face value stuff. Back then, I believed my prayer life rocked as I spent time loading on the godly platitudes, raising prayer requests and reciting all the lovely turn of phrases I had heard during service at church. I was a living-walking modern-day hypocritical Pharisee.

I look back now and laugh because I realize that in those instances I treated God as an acquaintance. I also spent a lot of time running from myself. But how could I be honest that I did not love all my neighbors? That there were some persons I truly disliked despite trying hard to find the good in them? How about areas of the Bible that I struggled to obey? How about church rules that I disagreed with and felt really strongly about? How could I acknowledge my struggles to myself much less voice them to God or anyone else? How could I bare my soul to God when I didn’t have the courage to bare it to myself? It was far easier to pretend that everything was hokey-dokey than be the sole representation of imperfection or voice of dissent. It was far easier to pretend to be the perfect Christian. Everybody else seemed to have it together, why shouldn’t I?

Those years helped no one. I know they certainly didn’t help me or my relationship with God. One of the reasons I love King David is because of his brutal honesty to God about his nature, even in moments when he is not quick on the uptake. It takes a lot to be able to acknowledge that you have messed up or that you were wrong or that you are not perfect and need help. Moments like those require you to be brutally honest with yourself and humble enough to make the acknowledgement.

Frankly, that’s the way I want to live my life. I choose to be an active participant in my life over the casual observer. I choose to be introspective and insightful. I choose to be more than the regular indoctrinated Christian. I choose to be honest with myself, God and others. I choose to live a life of honesty.

I would like you to join me in making a commitment to ourselves:

We will take the time to discover our true feelings and be honest about them to ourselves so that we can be honest with God and others.

XOXO,
Chañel.

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Complaining…

As my vacation came to an end, I spent long moments reflecting. These moments were quite different from the first half of my vacation. Those were days I spent on a cruise mingling, making new friends, enjoying the entertainment and exploring new locations. These were all activities designed to feed my outgoing side. The only times I took for deep introspection were pre-dawn when I religiously got up to catch the sunrise. These were some of the most beautiful sunrises I had ever seem. As I stood on the ship’s deck and gazed at the sun rising from the horizon, I couldn’t help but feel in awe of God for His majestic works.

My latter vacation days were totally different. I spent hours on introspection as I thought about who I am and my year. I guess you guys can call this my year in reflection post. For the first time in many years, I can honestly say that I cried a lot this year! I cried during movies, I cried when I felt hurt or overwhelmed and I laughed until I cried. The difference though was that I ensured that for each of those moments I cried, I found even more powerful and soul-cleansing moments to laugh and smile about. So even though I cried a lot, I also laughed, smiled and played a lot.

I have a confession to make. This year, especially towards the end, there were many times I felt tired and ready to give up. I had some serious lows.

  1. Early in the year, my sister and I met in an accident with a Leyland truck on her way to drop me to work.
  2. My youngest nephew ended up in the hospital twice this year.
  3. While learning to drive, I hit someone’s car.
  4. I lost a close friend.
  5. I had my first failure to effectively close out a project. 
  6. While dealing with the ending craziness of that project, I received news that my grandmother was in the hospital and could have died. 
  7. While dealing with the craziness of the project, I got ill. My anemia started acting up to the point where I shivered constantly even in warm weather and fought waves of nausea and dizziness. As if that wasn’t enough, I also had to deal with issue that had affected me emotionally. In truth, #6 and #7 left me an emotional wreck.

In those moments, I can truly understand if God felt a little exasperated with me but through it all, He patiently taught me to focus on the silver lining that existed in each dark cloud.

  1. Both my sister and I escaped the accident without a physical scratch. We were alive! The car got fixed!
  2. My nephew is home, happy and well. None of his illnesses affected him long term.
  3. We got the man’s car fixed although he was a bastard about the issue.
  4. Maybe that friend was not supposed to be a part of my life beyond that point. My life now has less drama.
  5. The project gave me a lot of experience that I can use to effectively build my career. I also got a chance for a do-over.
  6. My grandmother is now home and recuperating.
  7. That period gave me the chance to see what I am made of. Despite being ill and feeling intimidated at times, I was not built to break.

You are not built to break either. Don’t waste time and energy complaining! Even in the darkest of storms, you can find the light. After all, with storms come the lightening. Loves, you are stronger than you think because it is in your weakness that you will find God’s strength.

XOXO,
Chañel.

Zoomers Moments

A few nights ago, unable to sleep, I found my thoughts wandering. These wanderings took me down memory lane….

I was in my first year of high school when we were given a group assignment to present on various themes in the book, Silver Sword. As a natural leader who hates inactivity, I ended up planning a production. We were going to do a talk show with the book characters. After all the planning, I realised, much to my dismay, that I had planned out myself! I had totally forgotten to give myself a part!

Now note, if you did not present, you did not get a grade. I returned to the drawing board. We couldn’t change the production at that late stage but there must be some element that I had missed. During lunch (whilst eating one of my favorite cheesy snacks), an hour before the presentation, an idea took root. In the middle of the presentation, we had an intermission and I delivered one of the best impromptu Zoomers ads ever seen by man! 😂😂😂 (or so I like to believe…)

We got the highest grade for that assignment!

This memory reminded me of a couple lessons, I had learnt early in life.

  1. In moments of crisis or pressure, your levels of ingenuity will surprise you.
  2. In life there will always be Zoomers opportunities, you just have to be willing to open yourself to the possibilities.
  3. When faced with challenges, embrace your “I CAN” and “There must be a way.” attitude.
  4. Your belief in yourself and capabilities will take you a far way.
  5. Never plan out myself.
  6. Self-doubt gets you nowhere!

    What are your thoughts? Have you ever experienced a situation which required you think on your feet? How did it turn out? Let me know in the comments below.

    XOXO,
    Chañel.

    A Ziplining Lesson

    Recently, I went on a work trip. Part of the trip took us to Y.S. Falls where I tried 5 ziplines for the first time. Like any first experience of that active nature, I didn’t quite know how to feel but as the experience continued, I picked up a couple lessons on the way.

    Before we could start, we were locked into the relevant gear including helmets. As we stood waiting for all our team members to be geared-up, we had a couple of persons who had done it already and they were the ones who tried to alleviate some of our fears. However, in talking, these were the ones who made facing the experience even more fearful.My level of fear was slowing vamping up as I stood listening. I realised then that whilst God has not given me a spirit of fear, fear could be found within the uncertainty of excelling at the unknown and from external factors like well-meaning individuals. At that point I stopped listening and told myself that I could do it.

    The walk to the first zipline was long especially since I haven’t done any exercise in months. Again I found myself wavering as my lungs struggled for air and my knees protested and threatened to buckle. Just when I was about to give in to my wavering mind and protesting body, I reached the top and it was beautiful! From this experience, another lesson emerged. The hardest step to fulfilling your dream is the preparation stage to beginning. Sometimes everything will seem to be against you as you try to put things in place. You may even consider giving up but if you hold out, your destination (starting point) will be incredibly beautiful. With everything in place, you will be filled with an incredible pride and satisfaction as you stand on the brink of conquering the world.

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    Thank You for Being Late

    Living in Jamaica can be one of the hardest things for a person who is always on time. Why you may ask? Because, in Jamaica, oftentimes, it is fashionable to be late. Whether a wedding, church service, concert, etc, if the announcement says 7:00pm, the underlying understanding is that it actually begins at 7:30pm, heading to 8:00pm.
    For a long time, this mentality really annoyed me as I like being punctual. If I say I will be there at 8, I mean I will be there at 8. The only case where this may differ is if something unexpected happens and even then I will give the persons I am meeting with an headsup.

    A few weeks ago, I happened to get a lift to a meeting with the Sales Director of my company. While in the vehicle, we sparked up a discussion about the book he is currently reading. Interestingly enough it was called Thank You for Being Late by Thomas Friedman. The name intrigued me and before I knew it, I found myself urging him to let me hear an excerpt from the book.

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    Relationship Security should be the New Rage

    I had a conversation with one of my best friends the other day. During this conversation we touched briefly on the fact that while I was heading towards broke, he was at broke. When I heard, I had no qualms or reservations about offering my aid until he got paid. What struck me was his reply, “No man, I’m good. *Name of fiancée* has got me.”
    You can just imagine my wide-eyed response. I was shocked! I found myself musing over that response for a few days and even now I am still shocked by it.

    I have always said that I would never choose a partner on the basis of his wealth. In fact, I can honestly say that I find the idea of gold-digging quite distasteful. Having a partner who you know has you locked spiritually, mentally, emotionally and financially, if needed or he/she wants to, should be the rage.

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    A Contemplation Upon Ants – Move With Purpose

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    It is often strange, the things you can be inspired by. I had the opportunity to observe some ants the other day and they, God bless their little hearts, reminded me of the importance of living and moving with purpose.
    It was a windy, sunny, spring Saturday morning in Jamaica yet while many humans remained in bed, these ants were busy at work. I can only imagine what I would have seemed like to them. Perhaps a giant who had the power to crush them without a care but yet still they moved with purpose.

    Their nest was to the east, the wind blew in the opposite direction. Ant after ant moved in every direction in their search for food. Then, despite the strong wind, they struggled home. When the wind became too much, they band together and made it home. They even employed this method when the load found was too heavy for one. They never slowed their pace.

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