Complaining…

As my vacation came to an end, I spent long moments reflecting. These moments were quite different from the first half of my vacation. Those were days I spent on a cruise mingling, making new friends, enjoying the entertainment and exploring new locations. These were all activities designed to feed my outgoing side. The only times I took for deep introspection were pre-dawn when I religiously got up to catch the sunrise. These were some of the most beautiful sunrises I had ever seem. As I stood on the ship’s deck and gazed at the sun rising from the horizon, I couldn’t help but feel in awe of God for His majestic works.

My latter vacation days were totally different. I spent hours on introspection as I thought about who I am and my year. I guess you guys can call this my year in reflection post. For the first time in many years, I can honestly say that I cried a lot this year! I cried during movies, I cried when I felt hurt or overwhelmed and I laughed until I cried. The difference though was that I ensured that for each of those moments I cried, I found even more powerful and soul-cleansing moments to laugh and smile about. So even though I cried a lot, I also laughed, smiled and played a lot.

I have a confession to make. This year, especially towards the end, there were many times I felt tired and ready to give up. I had some serious lows.

  1. Early in the year, my sister and I met in an accident with a Leyland truck on her way to drop me to work.
  2. My youngest nephew ended up in the hospital twice this year.
  3. While learning to drive, I hit someone’s car.
  4. I lost a close friend.
  5. I had my first failure to effectively close out a project. 
  6. While dealing with the ending craziness of that project, I received news that my grandmother was in the hospital and could have died. 
  7. While dealing with the craziness of the project, I got ill. My anemia started acting up to the point where I shivered constantly even in warm weather and fought waves of nausea and dizziness. As if that wasn’t enough, I also had to deal with issue that had affected me emotionally. In truth, #6 and #7 left me an emotional wreck.

In those moments, I can truly understand if God felt a little exasperated with me but through it all, He patiently taught me to focus on the silver lining that existed in each dark cloud.

  1. Both my sister and I escaped the accident without a physical scratch. We were alive! The car got fixed!
  2. My nephew is home, happy and well. None of his illnesses affected him long term.
  3. We got the man’s car fixed although he was a bastard about the issue.
  4. Maybe that friend was not supposed to be a part of my life beyond that point. My life now has less drama.
  5. The project gave me a lot of experience that I can use to effectively build my career. I also got a chance for a do-over.
  6. My grandmother is now home and recuperating.
  7. That period gave me the chance to see what I am made of. Despite being ill and feeling intimidated at times, I was not built to break.

You are not built to break either. Don’t waste time and energy complaining! Even in the darkest of storms, you can find the light. After all, with storms come the lightening. Loves, you are stronger than you think because it is in your weakness that you will find God’s strength.

XOXO,
Chañel.

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Death Could Not Hold Him Down

For the last few nights, I’ve had difficulty sleeping soundly. There has been a few things on my mind and I kept taking naps before my sleep patterns kept getting disturbed. This habit has made me restless, edgy and tired. I also recognized that if I kept it up, I would soon be unable to function efficiently.

To make matters worse, I was ridiculously ill yesterday. I spent the day in pain, popping pills, nauseous and dizzy to the point where I kept digging my nails in my palms to fight the waves. Only God knows how I managed to stay on my feet for practically the whole day as I worked non-stop. I was unable to keep anything down until dinner. When I finally went to bed, I found that once again I was unable to sleep properly.

This morning, rare for me, I got up before my first alarm, my thoughts centered on a project that I am currently at the tail end of. It has been a long couple of months and let’s just say that the last few days have not been easy as we draw closer to the end.

Early morning found me talking to God about the project and all the moving pieces that refused to settle as well as my health. For the first time in a while, I pulled up a Benita Washington medley to listen to as I completed my morning routine. I headed into the shower singing along to the worship medley. My shower time turned into a worship session. The thought that struck with me was:

No matter how dead your situation may seem, remember you serve a God who not even death could hold Him down. Our God is ALWAYS victorious.

God used this opportunity to remind me of the many dead situations that He had resurrected in my life. He reminded me of His story where not even death could hold Him down. He, Reigning King, had conquered death and the grave. He reminded me that He’s got me covered.

For the first time in a while, my soul felt still and comforted. I knew then that everything would be okay despite what seemed to be a storm.

Folks, God is simply better than slice bread. He always sends a word or shows up on time. Today worked out well and although there is still much to be done and there was a moment when things seemed really dark, He came through.

Then again, if He is a God who conquered death, why should I worry about seemingly threatening discombobulating situations. He has never lost a battle and is always victorious. Death couldn’t hold Him down!

XOXO,
Chañel.

He Will Help You Choose.

I was having a conversation with a friend last night. Somewhere along the way we started discussing times when we have discovered that persons we considered friends were otherwise. My mind replayed the conversation as I sat in bed, reflecting. The Lord brought back to memory something that I had read the previous night during my Bible study. I opened my Bible app and as I reviewed the scripture He gave me a new perspective.

When anyone remember Gideon, we remember the story of the fearful man who, though he doubted, God used along with 300 men to deliver Israel from the Midianities. Many times we overlook the process it took to get to that victory. There was something integral in that process. A choice had to be made.

When it was up to Gideon, he chose the strongest and the greatest of numbers to go to war. Remember, these were men who would be expected to watch his back in the heat of battle. These would have been the ones he expected not to desert him in the midst of a crisis and a tense stand-off. The men Gideon ended up with would need to be ones he thought he could depend on.

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Your Tongue and Faith – The Dynamic Duo

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There is life and death in the power of the tongue! Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains! Faith “calls” it done and that settles it! There are so many scriptures/quotes that deal with the individual powers of the tongue and faith. Can you imagine if they were put together as a dynamic duo?

It was the summer of 2012. I had just completed 6th form and gotten my acceptance letters for 3 universities. One in the States (giving me a 1/2 scholarship) and two in Jamaica. I decided to forgo the one in States because this girl was dumb and in love (not that I regret the decision now).

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Writer’s Block

Over the past few days I’ve started about four different post but can’t seem to get anywhere with them. My head is brimming with ideas but they just can’t seem to come together on paper or  in this case in a post.

I find this situation very uncomfortable as writing is the vehicle that helps me to release my thoughts and put things into perspective. Right now I feel like a bottle of good wine with a missing corkscrew. Man I’m full of ideas but they just won’t come out… I’m all bottled up and missing my corkscrew….. Man, it is soooo frustrating and annoying..!!!

This is probably the most I’ve written in the last few days and right now just seeing these words make me feel so proud *flashes an infamous smile*. Almost like a proud mama.

So guys, I need some advice, hit me up by commenting below. HOW DO YOU GET RID OF WRITER’S BLOCK??

XOXO

Chañel

P.S. In desperate need of your help.