Je Ne Regrette Rien! (I Don’t Regret Anything!)


I sat at my desk working while listening music and the strangest thing happened! James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful started playing and immediately I had a flashback concerning my ex that left me with the hugest grin on my face.

It was two weeks before my 18th birthday at 2am. We were up on the phone again after I had weaseled him into staying up, for the third night in a row. I still can’t believe how he always yielded to me. This time, he was the one asking me to do something. He wanted me to sing him something before we headed to bed. I refused as a plan formulated in my head. The next morning, as I headed off to school, I called him and sang him a rendition of “You’re Beautiful.”

In the early stages of the last few years, my brain focused on the ugly aspects of my past relationship. I was hurt and angry and so, my heart focused on all the reasons he was the enemy. I forgot our good times and the lessons these experiences taught me. Here are a few lessons these better moments taught me:

  1. He gave me my first impromptu driving lesson although, I didn’t get far before he started yelling at me to turn the wheel correctly and I yelled back. That was my first and last lesson from him but it taught me the importance of helping your partner in anyway you can. This means that you should always be open to teaching your partner because neither will know everything.
  2. The first time we met, he tried to flirt with me but called me the wrong name. I ignored him. Later in the day, being the tomboy I was, I climbed up to a cliff only to realize that I couldn’t get down by myself. He ended up being the one to lift me down. That bit of kindness opened my mind to him. This taught me the importance of being careful of how you treat people. You never know when you will need their help.
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Overcoming is Possible!

I still remember my first major habit or should I say addiction. Sucking my fingers! Anywhere I went, I could be seen with my fingers in my mouth. My mother had already moved past the stage where she had threatened, cajoled and expressed despair at this unhealthy habit but I didn’t care one bit. My fingers were my comfort, they were my go-to and I wasn’t going to stop! Dirty and unhealthy or not!

Something happened the year I turned 12. I decided I was a big girl and needed to stop. I came to that decision and need for action all on my own. From that experience, I can definitely say that I underwent the whole withdrawal symptoms from drugs. I would break out in cold sweats when the need arose to stick my fingers in my mouth but I refrained. Sometimes, refraining meant sitting on my hand but I was determined to win the battle between my mind and my will. It took me months but eventually, I won and the urge to stick my finger in my mouth went away. Now I wonder how crazy I was to ever have had that disgusting habit.

My second case of bad habit was a relationship which began when I was 17. Although, over time things soured, I was intensely involved in the situation and thus, my mind refused to let go. “You can change him.” “Things will get better.” These were some of the thoughts my mind told me as I experienced some of the most miserable days of my life.

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What Do You Need?

One of my most favorite Bible scriptures (St. Luke 18:35-43) tells the story of the blind man who learnt that Jesus was passing by. His blindness didn’t stop him because this man had a need and whilst he was somewhat hindered, he opened his mouth and cried out to Jesus for mercy. I find this act interesting because I can just imagine how packed the crowd was! After all, the amount of people who followed Jesus could be compared to the number of fleas and ticks on wild dogs. Can you just imagine the level of noise he would have to make to be heard?!

Yet he was heard by the people who tried to hush him. This only caused him to cry with more vigour. Eventually, he got Jesus’ attention. Before he knew it, he was brought before Jesus! All because of his persistence, he now had an audience with the king! Totally amazing!

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Be a Mosquito!

I know having read my title, you must be buzzing with curiosity and thinking what a strange command. I would have thought the request strange too, until last week when my sister, brother and I went driving in an area close to the mountains. It was in the evening and nothing would have been strange about it except one thing. The area was populated with mosquitoes!

As we hit the region, my sister started complaining about being bitten. I thought I was safe! At the time, I happened to be wearing a long sleeve top and a long skirt. Imagine my surprise when I felt the mosquitoes biting me in my arm through my blouse! I was so annoyed that I swatted and killed it. Within minutes another took it place! Before the evening was out I had become a professional mosquito killer and a very annoyed young woman.

The next morning, something occurred that made me realise something. I discovered a mosquito in my room. Much to my dismay as I turned off my fan I could hear the annoying bugger flying about. Then he struck! I felt when he landed on my arm and I struck, he flew off and I ended up smacking myself! This occurred thrice and each time I missed! I can just imagine how he laughed as he flew off. On the fourth attempt, he bit me and I was left bested by a mosquito.

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5K Run – A Lesson in Endurance

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So, crazy me decided that instead of staying in my bed like a good little girl on a Sunday morning, I was up by 5:00 am and ready to do a 5K run at 6:15 am. I must say that I thought I would die especially since I chose to do the run instead of the walk.

Honestly, at times in the race, I did think I was dying. At one point I wanted to indicate to the Race team that I was stopping. My legs ached and my lungs felt short on air but the most important thing was that I maintained my pace even when I wanted to push myself to keep up with the people ahead of me. I didn’t run the entire race, there were points I had to slow down to a walk but I am proud of the fact that kept my goal in sight and finished strongly.

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The Subject of Crying

Maybe no one told you that there was strength in your tears. – Kelly Clarkson

I used to be one of those females who believed that crying was a sign of weakness. Well, it should be the flip as crying doesn’t show that you are weak but rather that you have strength. It takes strength to show others that you are vulnerable. One of the things that have really struck me is that although tears show considerable strength, we tend to apologize anytime we become emotional in the presence of a group or others – especially if we don’t know them well. I had to ask myself: ” Why do we do that?  Why is it not okay to become emotional whenever we want?”

Here are a few reasons why tears, whether in public or private, are okay.

  1. Tears enable us to get in touch with our deepest feelings. Unless you’re putting on a really good act, eating onions, or acting in a movie scene, tears express the rawest emotions within. We have all had moments when a really amazing gift or gesture had brought tears to our eyes. We cry when we share moments of great elation with others. There are many times, I’ve laughed until I began crying. Tears are also an expression of grief at endings or the loss of those who are precious to us.

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