My Perfect Mistake

​Headiness was catching
Talking, laughing
Mind alighting
Yearning…
Touching?
Forced to face
You weren’t surface but buried flesh-deep
A thorn, you are
My perfect mistake.

Ravaged by a few
Perfect-imperfect moments
Lolled into a false sense of security.
Awakened with the knowledge
Nothing is as it seems.
I was the surface
Just goosebumps, I am
Your unacknowledged mistake
While you were buried flesh-deep
A thorn, you are
My perfect mistake.

Distracted. 
Lost to space and time.
While wise mind screams, “Let it go.”
Hurt heart wonders, “Why?”
And worries bout you.
Body and soul steels and suffers
Forced to face each day
The evidence of my perfect mistake.
The thief? The deceiver?
Buried flesh-deep
A thorn, you are
My perfect mistake.

XOXO,
Chañel.

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The Subject of Crying

Maybe no one told you that there was strength in your tears. – Kelly Clarkson

I used to be one of those females who believed that crying was a sign of weakness. Well, it should be the flip as crying doesn’t show that you are weak but rather that you have strength. It takes strength to show others that you are vulnerable. One of the things that have really struck me is that although tears show considerable strength, we tend to apologize anytime we become emotional in the presence of a group or others – especially if we don’t know them well. I had to ask myself: ” Why do we do that?  Why is it not okay to become emotional whenever we want?”

Here are a few reasons why tears, whether in public or private, are okay.

  1. Tears enable us to get in touch with our deepest feelings. Unless you’re putting on a really good act, eating onions, or acting in a movie scene, tears express the rawest emotions within. We have all had moments when a really amazing gift or gesture had brought tears to our eyes. We cry when we share moments of great elation with others. There are many times, I’ve laughed until I began crying. Tears are also an expression of grief at endings or the loss of those who are precious to us.

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Contemplations at 23

April 16 was my last day as a 23-year old. I’ve been very contemplative as I review the year that I have gone through. The highs, the lows and the in-betweens. As usual, I’ve learnt a few lessons that I want to share.

  1. Laughter and smiles are important: Life will never be fulfilling unless you remember to enjoy it. Laugh until your tummy aches and you are forced to stoop. Smile until your cheeks hurt. Smile, even when you don’t feel like smiling or people think you are crazy. Eventually, it will transform your heart and your day as it becomes genuine.
  2. Whatever you do, have fun: I believe there is some level of fun to be had in whatever we have to do. Sometimes we get caught up with experiencing the dark clouds of things we don’t want to do, that we forget that one silver lining that changes the equation. Life is fun, it’s just a matter of perspective. Find your silver lining and enjoy the hell out of it!
  3. It is okay to cry: I’ve cried many times this year. I’ve cried when I’m ridiculously happy. I’ve laughed until I cried. I’ve cried when I’m sick and feeling really vulnerable and my friends tried to force me to eat. I’ve cried when I’m sad. I’ve cried when the sad part in movies connected with my soul. I’ve cried just because. A few years back, I would have been mortified to admit to crying, but now, pssshhh, crying is healthy. 
  4. Be Kind: Persons may forget your name or even how you look but they will never forget the way you made them feel. Practice being kind in words, thoughts and deeds. You will be memorable for positive reasons.
  5. Your level of faith determines your altitude: Some of us can’t envision beyond what we can see. This is a terrible injustice to you and the world. In year 23, I committed to reading 100 books. I didn’t have the time, I couldn’t even imagine how I would do it but I DID. If you can conceive it, you can achieve it. Dare to dream and reach out and actualize.
  6. Be comfortable exiting your comfort zone: “Great things are on the other side of your fear.” 23 was a great year for me because I did several things that scared the crap out of me but left me feeling exhilarated, once completed. I had a lot of firsts! I did my first radio and television interviews. I wrote my first newspaper article. I gave my first live speech for a cause I care deeply about. I ran my first full-blown project! And the great thing is? I loved it! Great things are not born in comfort zones. If I can step out, you can too. I guarantee that you won’t regret it.
  7. Don’t force it: Anything that is meant to be yours will be. It’s preordained. If the puzzle piece has to be forced into a spot, chances are it is not the correct piece. Don’t force friendships! Don’t force relationships! Don’t try to force destiny! I can assure you that it’s probably one of the few things you will regret doing in life. Let things flow naturally. If that spot belongs to that piece, it will fit!
  8. Be comfortable in your skin: Sweetheart, if you think you are weird, it’s obvious you haven’t met me 😂. I am the woman who walks around fake-shooting and high-fiving people in the office. Though I wonder if I’m the crazy one, because, they actually return my gestures. I talk/sing to myself as I work or study. It took our CEO, who sits beside me, just a week to realize this habit was just one of my super qualities. The point I’m trying to make is: BE YOURSELF. No one will ever do you as well as you do you.

I’ve began declaring into the atmosphere that year 24 will be a great success. I will spread my wings and soar.

I am looking for some creative firsts to try in year 24. Any ideas? Drop me a comment in the area below.

XOXO,
Chañel.

I am THANKFUL

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As I knelt praying a few moments ago, I found myself reflecting on how I was almost four years ago and immediately I felt thankful. Sometimes we take the simple things for granted but if we just take a moment to look back… If you would just take a moment to remember where He brought you from and what he has brought you through, you would realize just how much you have to be thankful for.

Almost four years ago, I had just had my first true taste of what it felt to have my heart shattered into a million pieces. I had bet it all one person and my friends and they had failed me terribly. I spent many late nights crying my eyes out and then trudging to work in the morning and then school in the afternoon. The nights I cried, I would curl in a ball and hold my chest because frankly my heart hurt like hell and I didn’t understand why. That was my cycle! I had lost my smile, my laugh, my heart and soul felt extinguished, I was tired, I wasn’t eating or sleeping well and I was on my way to failing my first semester of university.

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I Didn’t Know My Own Strength

I came across this song today and it opened up a lot of memories for me. I must say that in many ways, the first time I heard this song turned out to be the turning point of the downward spiral I was on.

I’ve been an avid fan of the series Being Mary Jane since it started. I don’t know how to explain it but she is someone that most, if not every female, can relate to in some manner. The struggles she face. Her fears that she is getting older and whilst she has a great career, her personal life is in shambles. For me, when I started watching, these were struggles and fears I could relate to.

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The Epiphany of a Lifetime

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I must say that I had the epiphany of a lifetime yesterday. I mean, this is the kind of enlightenment that makes you want to cry and rejoice all at once. Man I don’t even know which one to do first. All I can say is that God is truly incredible!

Let’s get into the meat of the matter. If you have been following my blog for quite a while, you will remember how I was bitching from last year into a few months ago about a guy who had done some serious damage to my self-esteem and emotional stability. I haven’t been complaining about him lately because, this butterfly had been learning to fly again and enjoying life afresh.

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Goodbyes (Part One)

Today was a very emotional day for me. Although it’s not my last day, my department decided to surprise me. They have been sneaking around for the last week and had to keep conspiring of ways to get me out of the department :). I suspected nothing! It was truly a surprise. Custom-made cards, gifts, paper confetti, speeches, quotes that touch me to the core and all.
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