I will wait for you

For the past few weeks, much to my chagrin, I’ve found myself in a couple conversations that run along the lines of:

Person: Hi!

Me
: Hey what’s up long time don’t seen!

Person
: Girl, you nuh married yet? When you planning to tie the knot?

Me
: *speechlessness*

OR 

Random Person: Girl you so busy chasing you career, yuh no want a man?

Me
: Obviously I am sporting a “I NEED A MAN” sign that I’m not aware of.

It seems persons are under the impression that this is the 1800s and so, if at 23, I don’t have a man in the wings or I am not preparing to get married and heralding the bells, I am weird and abnormal.

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First Crushes and Loves

Today, at lunch, a conversation about giving the bird and the bees talk turned into our outrageous actions done in the name of primary school crushes. I found myself fondly remembering my first crush.

I was a nine-year old who had just moved to a new area. Moving meant leaving all my friends behind and starting a new school after sitting out almost half the school year at grade two. I remember feeling really awkward and missing my friends terribly on my first day as a grade three student in a new school.

It was around the time when I was getting really familiar with the school that I noticed M. There shouldn’t have been anything special about him. He was just an ordinary boy from a different class. An ordinary boy who did one thing. He made my heart pound just a bit faster. Out of principle, I took to avoiding him because frankly I didn’t like anything that I couldn’t understand. I certainly didn’t understand my reaction to him!

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The Fears of Yesterday

All of us, as human beings, have tasted the frightening effects of fear. The sad part is that some of us allow the fear to dominate us to the point where we don’t even try the things we have wanted the most and thus, it cripples and prevents us from being the best versions of ourselves. One quote that I’ve kept constantly in my heart is”

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

The first and only time I came across this quote was some years ago while watching the Hillary Duff movie “Cinderella Story”. I don’t even remember much of the plot of the movie but I have never forgotten the quote.

This week, I touched a milestone and found myself reminiscing on the fears I had to overcome to get to it. Today, I will be listing some of these fears  and telling why I have no regrets in moving past them.

  1. I feared losing my best friend: I eventually lost my best friend despite all I did to prevent it but you know what? I survived! While in the process of learning to come back from the abyss of emotional despair, I picked up a few lessons. Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay, some are just to teach you lessons and go. That was the role of my best friend. I also learned who were the persons in my life I could lean on for support.

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Lift them cheeks. Show some teeth

Today I want to talk about one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world… If you said or thought  “SMILING” then you are most definitely correct! Whether a full or half smile, I just can’t seem to help myself! I just love to smile and you know what? This inability to stop this ability comes with the most amazing benefits.

  1. Smiling makes you more approachable People generally avoid strangers but if they need help, they are more likely to approach a person who looks nice and approachable. Studies have found that people are more willing to engage socially with others who are smiling. A smile is an inviting facial expression that tells people you are willing to talk and interact with them.
  1. Smiling improves your mood I’ve had cases where I started my day badly and even though I don’t feel like it, I put on a smile. You would be amazed at how many persons will respond to a smile and “good morning”. Within the 20 minutes it takes me to get to work, I begin to feel a lot better and my smile becomes totally genuine! This is because endorphins (endorphins are the same chemicals you get from working out or running, resulting in what is known as a runner’s high) released lift your mood.

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Lessons to live by

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Recently, while browsing Amazon for free books to add to my Kindle, I came across a couple of book titles by SJ McCoy that perfectly titled some of my philosophies in life. See the list below and the reasons why I believe you should make them your life philosophies as well.

  1. Love like you have never been hurt. Getting hurt stinks royally, that much I can attest to 100%. What stinks even more is when your inability to forgive the person who hurt you prevents you from getting and giving the love you deserve. Don’t let someone who callously hurt you in the past have a hold in your future because you can’t forgive him/her. The best revenge is to forgive, accept the lessons learnt then go ahead and find someone and love like you have never been hurt!
  1. Dance like nobody’s watching. I’m sure we have all watched that movie or seen a video where there is just that one guy/girl who is insecure about being themselves but then gets drunk and let loose (Katy Perry’s Last Friday night comes to mind). Don’t need a “MUST GET DRUNK” policy to loosen up. Learn to have fun. Be silly, be you. There is only one you and there certainly will never be another like you so be who you are and not who you think people want you to be.

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I Met A Man… (Follow-up)

When I was in my first year at university, I had a math lecturer who had the tendency to say “This one will separate the men from the boys.” when he gave us a particular complex math question to solve. I took that statement to heart when I realized how appropriate it is for life. Life and its ins and outs is truly the most complex problem that separates the men from the boys.

Generally, as a rule, whenever I learn something new, I try to see how it can apply to my life. Sad to say, I did not take stock and just continued on my merry way.

About a year later, I read Steve Harvey’s Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man and my past lecturer’s words came back to me “This one will separate the men from the boys.” Steve forced me to take stock. Much to my chagrin, I realized that the males I tended to date displayed all the habits and behaviours of my teenaged brother. They were irresponsible, hyped on being “men” yet totally rudderless – had no idea where they wanted to be. It wouldn’t have been so bad except more than half the time, they were older than I was.

I also recognized that my predicaments were partly my fault. I had never placed any value on myself, therefore, no matter how good a person I was, no matter how much I pushed and supported, I was not valued. Casey Brown from TED Talk had been right, “If you don’t define you worth, persons will never pay it to you.” With this, I slowly found myself taking an hiatus from dating.

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I Met A Man…

For the last year or so, I’ve have spent my time and energies primarily focused on rediscovering myself and God. This journey has been amazing!

Over the period, I have encountered many males and frankly I have never felt compelled to look a second time. I have been very focused on God and me. This week, many times on my journey to work, I kept experiencing some bizarre cases with men. One man yelled his desire for marriage anytime I was ready as I walked pass him down the street. Another thought it genius to holler, “Wife material, mi want your digits!” as I passed him and his group of friends. One man even followed me from the point where he had met me to my taxi stand, declaring his desire to be mine! I was confused and annoyed! “What had changed?”, I questioned myself.

The answer came to me in the middle of my journey to work on Thursday morning. I glowed! I literally smiled because I felt good about myself! I walked with a little pep in my steps. I felt comfortable in my skin! I was truly happy! My happiness radiated and drew persons to me.

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