Je Ne Regrette Rien! (I Don’t Regret Anything!)


I sat at my desk working while listening music and the strangest thing happened! James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful started playing and immediately I had a flashback concerning my ex that left me with the hugest grin on my face.

It was two weeks before my 18th birthday at 2am. We were up on the phone again after I had weaseled him into staying up, for the third night in a row. I still can’t believe how he always yielded to me. This time, he was the one asking me to do something. He wanted me to sing him something before we headed to bed. I refused as a plan formulated in my head. The next morning, as I headed off to school, I called him and sang him a rendition of “You’re Beautiful.”

In the early stages of the last few years, my brain focused on the ugly aspects of my past relationship. I was hurt and angry and so, my heart focused on all the reasons he was the enemy. I forgot our good times and the lessons these experiences taught me. Here are a few lessons these better moments taught me:

  1. He gave me my first impromptu driving lesson although, I didn’t get far before he started yelling at me to turn the wheel correctly and I yelled back. That was my first and last lesson from him but it taught me the importance of helping your partner in anyway you can. This means that you should always be open to teaching your partner because neither will know everything.
  2. The first time we met, he tried to flirt with me but called me the wrong name. I ignored him. Later in the day, being the tomboy I was, I climbed up to a cliff only to realize that I couldn’t get down by myself. He ended up being the one to lift me down. That bit of kindness opened my mind to him. This taught me the importance of being careful of how you treat people. You never know when you will need their help.
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What Do You Need?

One of my most favorite Bible scriptures (St. Luke 18:35-43) tells the story of the blind man who learnt that Jesus was passing by. His blindness didn’t stop him because this man had a need and whilst he was somewhat hindered, he opened his mouth and cried out to Jesus for mercy. I find this act interesting because I can just imagine how packed the crowd was! After all, the amount of people who followed Jesus could be compared to the number of fleas and ticks on wild dogs. Can you just imagine the level of noise he would have to make to be heard?!

Yet he was heard by the people who tried to hush him. This only caused him to cry with more vigour. Eventually, he got Jesus’ attention. Before he knew it, he was brought before Jesus! All because of his persistence, he now had an audience with the king! Totally amazing!

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Be a Mosquito!

I know having read my title, you must be buzzing with curiosity and thinking what a strange command. I would have thought the request strange too, until last week when my sister, brother and I went driving in an area close to the mountains. It was in the evening and nothing would have been strange about it except one thing. The area was populated with mosquitoes!

As we hit the region, my sister started complaining about being bitten. I thought I was safe! At the time, I happened to be wearing a long sleeve top and a long skirt. Imagine my surprise when I felt the mosquitoes biting me in my arm through my blouse! I was so annoyed that I swatted and killed it. Within minutes another took it place! Before the evening was out I had become a professional mosquito killer and a very annoyed young woman.

The next morning, something occurred that made me realise something. I discovered a mosquito in my room. Much to my dismay as I turned off my fan I could hear the annoying bugger flying about. Then he struck! I felt when he landed on my arm and I struck, he flew off and I ended up smacking myself! This occurred thrice and each time I missed! I can just imagine how he laughed as he flew off. On the fourth attempt, he bit me and I was left bested by a mosquito.

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Life is like kneading dumplings

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I can still remember the first time I had to knead dumplings. My mom had left for work and having kneaded the flour, she left it for my sister and I to make and cook. After almost 7 hours in a pot sweating, the dough was too soft to manipulate and our dumplings came out so misshapen not even I wanted to eat them.

Over the years, I’ve found life and the numerous experiences faced to be very much like that first dumpling-kneading experience. Whether it’s because I added too much water, or I left the dough to sweat, or I just didn’t know how to shape it, the dumplings just didn’t come out right. Similarly, sometimes we put in too much or too little effort, or we waited too long and missed our chance or we didn’t heed the voice of God or our elders and our experiences and lives just end up totally wrong.

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You are who you are because of yesterday.

 

A few weeks ago, God dropped this thought into my spirit “you are who you are because of yesterday”. I wrote the thought down in my phone and left it there. Last night as I was browsing through the phone, I came upon the thought. This time, I asked, ” God, how do you want me to expound on this thought?” As I was about to fall asleep, Job came to mind, so tonight I will be talking about Job.

You know Job, the man who God was really proud of but allowed the devil to test his faith. I can’t even how imagine how Job felt as one by one he got news of his various misfortunes. Children killed. Cattle and possessions stolen. House destroyed. Misfortune after misfortune, all in ONE DAY. And if that wasn’t bad enough, his health went, then his wife and finally, his friends.

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I am THANKFUL

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As I knelt praying a few moments ago, I found myself reflecting on how I was almost four years ago and immediately I felt thankful. Sometimes we take the simple things for granted but if we just take a moment to look back… If you would just take a moment to remember where He brought you from and what he has brought you through, you would realize just how much you have to be thankful for.

Almost four years ago, I had just had my first true taste of what it felt to have my heart shattered into a million pieces. I had bet it all one person and my friends and they had failed me terribly. I spent many late nights crying my eyes out and then trudging to work in the morning and then school in the afternoon. The nights I cried, I would curl in a ball and hold my chest because frankly my heart hurt like hell and I didn’t understand why. That was my cycle! I had lost my smile, my laugh, my heart and soul felt extinguished, I was tired, I wasn’t eating or sleeping well and I was on my way to failing my first semester of university.

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